he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
