i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize