You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
