imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
