i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
