First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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