I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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