I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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