ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
youre lurking in front of me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize