I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
