Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
