I CAN MOONWALK!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
