He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
