dude i'm inner monologue high
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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