he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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