Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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