He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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