We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
