mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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