Duck Duck Cougar?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize