idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
