2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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