omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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