i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
