He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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