Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
