mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
