Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
