She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize