I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize