You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
