Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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