He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
