then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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