somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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