Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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