i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
