You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
