you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize