we have pet lesbian snakes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
