White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
