i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
