Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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