so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
