he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
