i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
