So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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