Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pooping to opera.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize