Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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