dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
