twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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