I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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