Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
