i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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