my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
