I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Say something about gay babies.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
