once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
