idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
