Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize