brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
