i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
