i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would fuck him just for his dog
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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