It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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