I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
