she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
