Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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