Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
