My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
