Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
