My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
