Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
