I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize