seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
