Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
