I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
