I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize