Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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