I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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