well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
