How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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